In the Name of Self Love, STOP Doing These 5 Things
Read time: 4 Minutes
Okay, I’m just going to say it. I hate the words “self love.” I don’t hate the concept or practice of self love but I do hate the words. It’s one of those things that’s been said so many times that it’s lost meaning. Kind of like “self care” or any phrase that begins with “step into your...” (power, authenticity, higher self). *Shudders*
I guess you could say I hate #selflove. I find it cliché and uninspiring (though I’m pretty sure I’ve used it before on Instagram – yikes).
We talk endlessly about self love because it’s important. But I’m over talking about the same old stuff: bubble baths, meditating, buying yourself flowers, etc. That’s all great but what else is out there? And specifically, what should we not be doing if we want to practice self love? Below you’ll find 5 very specific behaviors to cut out of your life if you’re looking to love yourself more. So without further ado, please get comfy, unzip your pants, and enjoy this list of things that you should absolutely stop doing in the name of self love.
1. Stop compulsively pointing out your flaws
I’m not joking when I say I’ve actually texted friends before meeting up with them to “warn” them about a particularly large blemish on my face. I’ve also talked at length about how late I am all the time and how lazy and unmotivated I can be. These weren’t intimate, heart-to-heart conversations with close friends where I worked through a struggle or grew as a person. Simply put, it was me compulsively shitting on myself out of habit. Subconsciously, I believed it was a way for me to “control” how other people saw me. If I was the one to point out my flaws (as opposed to someone noticing for themselves), then I would be in control of the situation.
Yeah, it doesn’t work that way. Notice how you talk about yourself. To friends. To strangers. To yourself. And stop being so mean.
2. Stop participating in conversations that make you feel bad
Recently I was hanging out with a group of friends when the subject of “losing weight” came up. Now, it just so happens that I want to lose a few pounds right now – primarily because I want to feel comfortable in my wedding dress – so it would’ve been easy for me to jump right in. But for some reason I resisted the urge. The thought of opening my mouth and saying the words “Oh my god, me too – I really need to lose some weight before the wedding” struck me as both exhausting and a little depressing. I realized I didn’t actually want to participate in that conversation and that it was totally an option not to.
It’s always within your power not to participate in conversations that make you feel like shit. I highly recommend it.
3. Stop letting people talk at you
Oh boy do I love this one. I’ve heard so many people say that they struggle to exit conversations with people who just won’t stop talking. Let’s me start by saying it is NOT impolite to end a conversation that you no longer want to be a part of. We all have limited time, energy, and attention spans. Once one or more of those things has been depleted, you are 100% justified in removing yourself from the situation. Especially if it’s less of a conversation and more of someone just mindlessly talking at you. No thanks.
Here’s a gift from me to you. Use this the next time you feel trapped in a conversation that’s gone on too long. It’s polite, effective, and it’s never not worked.
“Okay, well I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. I need to head out/find my friend or partner/get some food/get some air/it literally doesn’t matter what you say here.”
End with “I’ll see you later!” or “Nice meeting you!”
4. Stop taking other people’s behavior personally
I went to a barre class yesterday and found myself struggling to gather all the props I needed from the closet. Feeling I had taken a particularly long time, I said “Sorry!” to the girl waiting behind me before scurrying out of the closet. The girl looked at me, had clearly heard me, but said nothing. She didn’t smile at me and she didn’t reassure me that there was no need to apologize (and there truly wasn’t a need to apologize which was my first mistake). My second mistake was taking her reaction (or lack thereof) very personally. I immediately assumed there was something about me that this girl didn’t like. Perhaps I was just unlikeable? It wasn’t until later that I realized how ridiculous I was being.
Say it with me: Everything is not about me.
5. Stop unnecessary pants-induced suffering
And last but not least, if your pants are tight and uncomfortable, unzip them. Even if you’re in public. Especially if you’re in public.
Happy self lovin’ y’all!